Backsliding

I got up at 5:15 (one of the dogs had his little paws on the side of the bed staring at me, it's hard to sleep through that). I went downstairs, let them out then curled up with them on the couch to watch some news. At 6 I turned off the tv (very important, must not practice with tv on) rolled out my mat and did all of standing, no backbends, no finishing. Yay! An accomplishment! I heavily modified. And I mean heavily. As in, a block was involved. As in, I did tree pose for ardha badha. I could tell that the bind was not an option anyway. I have such a hard time with balance poses that sometimes it's good for me to just take a step back and do my kindergarten yoga. I'm not so good at the grownup yoga anyway, so what's the difference, right? It still felt pretty good and I think that's kind of the point, especially right now.

I can't believe how much strength and flexibility I've lost over this month of home practice (or, non-home practice). And I've also been eating like a pig. Clearly something is wrong because I'm definitely a stress eater. The problem is, the stress should be over now. I have a job, I should be able to roll back into non-stress mode. But I can't. I can't seem to get over my resentment toward the BF either, and I'm not sure what that's about. He's actually a really good guy, even if he's a moody pain in the ass. And I have to say, he's REALLY good about the yoga. Not only does he not make fun of it or of me for being so serious about it, he actually tries to help. He asked if I was going to class on Saturday at the studio down the street and I said 'no, it's not ashtanga and I need ashtanga' and he commented that perhaps I just need yoga right now. He may be right.

Clearly my practice has suffered due to my lack of ability to go to class. I am unable to get motivated to have a decent home practice. I've tried to figure out why that is and haven't come up with any answers. Now that I will be working in the city on Mondays and Wednesdays, I'm wondering if I should go to a different shala. The new office is a little farther downtown and it would be slightly easier to go down there to one of the others now. The problem there is no shower. And that's kind of a drag when you have to get dressed up and go into the office. It was ok when I wore jeans and flip flops to work and didn't put on makeup. I need to find someone who practices there or who has practiced there and find out what the skinny is. Maybe it isn't worth it at all. Maybe I should just stick with what I have.

It's a future stepchildren weekend. That means bitchy Sonya. Oh, and my bank has placed a hold on my first official paycheck plus two weeks worth of unemployment checks that I deposited on Monday and Tuesday of this week, so that means extra bitchy Sonya. I'm soooooo pissed. Fucking wankers. I'm so tired of taking money from the BF. Funny how the stupid bank has NEVER done that to me before. I called and they were like 'it's at the bank's discretion'. WTF????