Coffee before practice not good

I decided to try the 'bit o' coffee before practice' thing that I've heard so much about. Turns out, not that helpful to me. I was soooooo sluggish today. I sat on the couch this morning fighting with myself in my head: I'm going - I'm not going - I'm going - I'm not going. So I went. And it wasn't good. Is it better to go to class and have a crappy practice or to stay home and not practice at all? The crappy practices are a blow to my fragile self-esteem. Yes, I know it shouldn't matter, but it does, OK, it just does. I think it matters to lots of ashtangis, or why would so many people be frigging blogging about it????? Am I right???? Do Iyengar people blog about their practice? This is something I need to investigate.

So I get through the sun salutations ok and start the standing poses and it truly just goes straight to hell in my highly decorated handbasket. With each pose I'm thinking 'ok, just one more, you really really can do this'. Should I really have to coach myself through it in this manner? I finally (blessedly) got to the seated poses. My hips felt terribly tight, and even my hamstrings felt crappy. They are the only part of my body that's remotely flexible and today they rebelled. When I get to Janu Sirsasana A and it feels like a true hip opener, I know it's time to throw in the towel because my sacrum will be screaming later. Miraculously, Christopher managed to wrestle me into Marichasana C even though concrete had somehow mysteriously been poured into my joints. I even managed a nice hand bind on both sides. I'm going to take that as the positive part of today's practice, improvement on that pose is coming slowly but surely.

Enough of the yammering about my pitiful practice. I saw Juno yesterday and it is FANTASTIC. Everyone should see this movie. It's really really original and fun and funny and sweet and amazing. Today I saw 27 Dresses and it was a major bust. The BF hated it (or maybe he just hated that he was the only guy in the theater....). It was cute but a little insipid. Wait until you're bored one night and there's nothing on pay-per-view or on-demand or whatever else you use to watch movies at home.

Loving Laksmi's 'Lurker's Amnesty Week'. Great idea. Perhaps once I actually GET some lurkers I will set them free!

Jobhunting sucks

Looking for a job when you don't already have one absolutely sucks. I've never been laid off before so this is an entirely new experience for me. I'm not really used to interviewing and not getting an offer pretty quickly too. I feel like I have some kind of bad job-search aura right now that is turning off all potential hiring managers in a big way. I actually have an offer from a company in Port Washington but it's not necessarily the perfect job. Not to mention the fact that if I'm not working in the City any more, no more daily mysore class. Now I'll have to practice at home and only go in on Sundays. That will NOT be fun. Perhaps if I'm there long enough I can make some kind of deal to come in a little later and take the train in and back in the mornings but I get exhausted just thinking about that. This whole process leads me to two things. One is that I'm obviously way too wrapped up in my job/career in terms of my identity. Two is that I really don't want to do this for a living any more. I'm not sure exactly what I DO want to do but this is not it.

So, attachment to the career. Is this a bad thing? I feel incredibly useless not working. I've been taking care of the homefront for the BF, who has been incredibly supportive, but it's just not enough. It's not like we sat down and made a choice and said 'GF will stay home and take care of the house and various life errands that we would normally on the weekend and BF will go out and make the money'. I was forced into it and IT IS NOT FUN. Plus, if I'm not a career girl, what am I? With no children, I feel like there's no defining position in my life. And at 36, that can't be good. Sad, very sad. Today I'm wallowing in a bit of self-pity. I'm hoping this feeling goes away once I start the new job on Wednesday. We'll see. I really need to find another life pursuit.

Went to class yesterday with my teacher and friend, Melissa. She came in and gave Christopher a big hug then came over and set up her mat by me. I think he realized about halfway through our practice that 1) we know each other and 2) she's my teacher because our practice is somewhat similar. Well, she's really strong and flexible and has been doing it for ten years and I'm weak and inflexible and I've been doing it for two years but other than that we're EXACTLY the same. Not. But it was her theory that our practices are similar and I think he was seeing that. She was amazed at the difference in his classroom from six months to a year ago. It really is different. He's much more light-hearted, smiling, joking, not so much the dictator any more. And I have to say, from my own personal perspective he's a MUCH better yoga teacher than before. I've started actually enjoying his class, which I really didn't previously. I tended to avoid it unless time constraints forced me. Practice was OK but my sacrum started FREAKING out and as Melissa and I walked around the city, it started to relax but was definitely unhappy all day. What would a practice be without me limping out barely able to walk? Sigh.

Home practice.....and it's still cold

Today I tried a real home practice for the first time. While the BF watched ESPN SportsCenter, I practiced. Did 4A's and 3B's then standing poses. Did a few seated without in-between vinyasas then had the BF assist me with paschimotanasana then marichasana A and UD. I didn't do even half the series but I did manage to get going and that's a first for me. Soooooo, if the new job requires that, I will be able to practice at home.

Speaking of new jobs, I'm jobless. That's right, for the first time since I was 14 years old and had my first job, I'm jobless. Two weeks ago today my company completely folded. All 600+ employees out on the street. An e-mail was sent to us on Monday afternoon two weeks ago that basically said 'we are out of funds, please do not come back to work'. I went back to the office that Thursday to collect my personal belongings. Fun. Everyone keeps saying 'oh, it's not your fault'. Really? Because clearly I exercised bad judgement in deciding to stay with said company. I was already looking, thank heavens. Two large corporations were already recruiting me beginning in December, so I wasn't exactly caught flat-footed (which is more than I can say about some of my team members). However, the process has been lengthy with both companies and I'm STILL working on it with both of them! Hopefully I will have something solid this week because this not having a job thing is making me NUTS. The BF has been really great about it but I just don't like it, not one bit. It's also causing my serious eating issue which is not helping my yoga practice AT ALL. Lots of bad eating causes LIAshtangi's piss-poor practice to be even worse than usual.

Cold......very very cold

Apparently roast beef dinners lend themselves to fairly good practice. I dragged out of bed this morning at about 6:45am. It was about 26 degrees outside. Fun. After taking the train into Penn and the subway up to 42nd, I was at the studio and practicing at about 8:45. Shockingly, it wasn't nearly as terrible as I had feared, given that my digestive system was still protesting when I got up. I actually managed to do 4 B sun sals without feeling like I wanted to die or puke. One sign of prgogress is that utthita hasta padangusthasana is improving. I can actually do it on my own without losing my balance. It's far from good but I guess all those hated assists that I get are really working. I was afraid they were holding me back and I'd never learn to do them on my own but I guess I was wrong. I was also wrestled into all 8 marichasanas by either Christopher or his assistants. Those seem to be coming along too. One of the assistants managed to get me into C with a bind on the left side. Probably could have done right too but I think I was fighting her too much. Note to self, must learn to take an assist......I just wish I could figure out why I can't do A and B on my own. All the teacher does is push my elbows in just a little and there I am in a decent bind. Also did three actual backbends. UD is my nemesis and has been since I really hurt my lower back about a year and a half ago (doing UD, no less). I guess I'm just afraid of it. Must have been a great practice though because I fell asleep on the train going home before it even got out of the tunnel and didn't wake up until we were pulling into the Port Washington station. Whoa!

Time to sign off for now. Am watching my Sunday mindless tv, lots and lots of HGTV.

Latest guilty tv pleasure......How to Look Good Naked on Lifetime....and I really HATE Lifetime.

Greetings from Long Island

After reading (ok, lurking on....) several blogs focused mainly on ashtanga yoga, I've decided to try my hand at writing my own. I have the feeling it won't be as interesting as the others I've read but I'm ok with that. I'm hoping to use this blog to jot down my thoughts on ashtanga yoga, being back in New York, living in the suburbs and being a future stepmom.

Since today was a Saturday, no regular Mysore practice so I went to the local yoga studio here and took the Restorative class. Normally I detest restorative classes.....I find them to be really boring but I think slowing down and being quiet for a while every Saturday might be good for me. This was my second one. The one I took two weeks ago involved 'partnering' which was interesting and not terribly unpleasant. We'll see how this goes, I'll keep posting my experience.

Tomorrow is regular Mysore practice. I have the feeling it may be pretty wretched. My eating has been truly awful the last few weeks. That is mostly due to my stress levels lately, I'm a major stress eater. Today I made a pot roast for the BF and his kiddies and stupidly ate some of it. Really not the best idea but it's done now so I'll just have to deal with it tomorrow.

In spite of the fact that I'm super stressed and freaked out (that's for a later post), I'm excited about this week as my original yoga teacher from LA is coming east. We're going to practice together at my studio on Thursday morning. I'm super psyched for that, and to see her and hang out.

I think that's enough for a first post, more tomorrow on the status of my practice and, more importantly, the status of my life in general.