Jobhunting sucks

Looking for a job when you don't already have one absolutely sucks. I've never been laid off before so this is an entirely new experience for me. I'm not really used to interviewing and not getting an offer pretty quickly too. I feel like I have some kind of bad job-search aura right now that is turning off all potential hiring managers in a big way. I actually have an offer from a company in Port Washington but it's not necessarily the perfect job. Not to mention the fact that if I'm not working in the City any more, no more daily mysore class. Now I'll have to practice at home and only go in on Sundays. That will NOT be fun. Perhaps if I'm there long enough I can make some kind of deal to come in a little later and take the train in and back in the mornings but I get exhausted just thinking about that. This whole process leads me to two things. One is that I'm obviously way too wrapped up in my job/career in terms of my identity. Two is that I really don't want to do this for a living any more. I'm not sure exactly what I DO want to do but this is not it.

So, attachment to the career. Is this a bad thing? I feel incredibly useless not working. I've been taking care of the homefront for the BF, who has been incredibly supportive, but it's just not enough. It's not like we sat down and made a choice and said 'GF will stay home and take care of the house and various life errands that we would normally on the weekend and BF will go out and make the money'. I was forced into it and IT IS NOT FUN. Plus, if I'm not a career girl, what am I? With no children, I feel like there's no defining position in my life. And at 36, that can't be good. Sad, very sad. Today I'm wallowing in a bit of self-pity. I'm hoping this feeling goes away once I start the new job on Wednesday. We'll see. I really need to find another life pursuit.

Went to class yesterday with my teacher and friend, Melissa. She came in and gave Christopher a big hug then came over and set up her mat by me. I think he realized about halfway through our practice that 1) we know each other and 2) she's my teacher because our practice is somewhat similar. Well, she's really strong and flexible and has been doing it for ten years and I'm weak and inflexible and I've been doing it for two years but other than that we're EXACTLY the same. Not. But it was her theory that our practices are similar and I think he was seeing that. She was amazed at the difference in his classroom from six months to a year ago. It really is different. He's much more light-hearted, smiling, joking, not so much the dictator any more. And I have to say, from my own personal perspective he's a MUCH better yoga teacher than before. I've started actually enjoying his class, which I really didn't previously. I tended to avoid it unless time constraints forced me. Practice was OK but my sacrum started FREAKING out and as Melissa and I walked around the city, it started to relax but was definitely unhappy all day. What would a practice be without me limping out barely able to walk? Sigh.