Just do it?

A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn’t curve. By where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers. By all the outside things that don’t ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control. By who she is and who she is trying to become because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics, and statistics lie.


© Nike

Edited slightly for punctuation preferences....

I bought three pairs of pants yesterday, and lots of shirts, for wearing to work. And I ignored the numbers, found clothes that fit me and flatter me and are comfortable. And I didn't hear that annoying voice so much. Take that, voices in my head!

Searching for a positive body image

Lately I've been watching 'How to Look Good Naked' (and no, I don't normally watch Lifetime). I cry every time I watch it (I'm a sap, don't tell my all-male coworker group, they think I'm a tough bitch, ha!). One, because all of the women they have had on the show are beautiful, healthy, normal sized women who don't see themselves clearly and that's always sad and two, because I always see myself. They have this segment where they line up a bunch of 'larger' women (probably between a size 12 and size 18) smallest to largest, in their underwear. Then they have the featured woman pick where she thinks she belongs in terms of her size in the lineup. And they always pick at least two sizes larger than they really are. I stopped at Old Navy very quickly Wednesday night after dinner to see what they had in the way of pants. I tried on some 10's and 12's and even the 12's didn't really fit. It totally threw me for a loop. So today, I'm thinking, is my worth really in the size of my pants?????? Why is my ability to feel attractive so closely correlated to my clothing size? I know that I need to lose some of this weight to be healthier, I'm petrified of things like heart disease, diabetes, digestive diseases like colon cancer. And I will certainly keep striving for that. But why is my self esteem all wrapped up in whether I can still fit into my size 10 designer jeans (I can't, by the way!)? I hate this struggle and I feel like I've gone through it every single day of my life since I can remember. It's exhausting and I'm tired of it but I can't figure out how to give it up. And I KNOW that no matter how much weight I lose, the judgemental voice will always be there. I know in my head that this is not about how thin I am. But really, what IS it about then?

Home practice today. I worked hard in the sun salutations, did most of the standing sequence then did some hip openers and backbending. Shalabasana, Ustrasana, Dhanurasana. No UD though. I did prop my self up on a block for some bridge, just to work on finding the feet. :)

I ordered some good stuff from Amazon with a gift certificate my brother sent me for my birthday back in January. World Tour 2000 with SKPJ, the Encinitas DVD where Guruji does led third series and the Yoga book by Linda Sparrowe. I love the pictures in that book. I used to practice with one of the models for that book, Lauren Petersen. She has THE MOST AMAZING PRACTICE I've ever seen. And she's so nice, really the most down to earth person ever. So it'll be cool to have a big book full of pictures of her and others. I'm also buying a bunch of stuff from Cranky today. Yoga clothes, the Matthew Sweeney book, and the Anatomy of Hatha Yoga. Fun! I looooooove yoga books. I'm such a geek.

Cranky is coming to visit us and practice with us in our Shala!!!!! Yippeeeeee!!!!!